


Torturing the Devil isn't That Hard

by AnonymousAutumn, NicoNathanael



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Gen, I wrote this in like 1 hour, I'm Serious, It's just pure. crack., No Plot/Plotless, No Smut, instead of homework, there is literaly no plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 18:05:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18036257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousAutumn/pseuds/AnonymousAutumn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoNathanael/pseuds/NicoNathanael
Summary: Nick (and Sam) just wants some peace and quiet. Seriously.





	Torturing the Devil isn't That Hard

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what is this. Autumn, you little shit, you're absolutely responsible for this.

_‘Nick. Seriously? Are you fucking serious?’_

“Shut up,” Nick whispered, aware of the presence of everyone else around him.

_‘Nick. Nick. This is bullshit. Bullshit, I tell you, bullshit--’_

Nick could see, could feel Sam’s glance from beside him, could hear Sam’s quiet laugh, and he hissed quietly. Oh, Sam definitely knew what he knew.

Sam couldn’t help laughing, but covered it as a cough. This was the funniest thing he’d never imagined happening. This was… Oh, Nick, Lucifer… Well, at least Gabriel wasn’t here. He’d mess up this entire thing.

“Satan trembles and falls before those who pray, because he knows his days there were over--”

 _‘I tremble before you praying? Oh, hell yes I do. If I had to hear one more of Sam’s_ ‘prayer’ _to Gabriel, I swear…’_

Nick went and excused himself to the bathroom. He couldn’t handle this. He needed to go.

Once he was out of the church’s mass room, he laughed, and he laughed so hard he was sure people on the far back of the mass could hear him, probably call him insane, whatever…

 _‘Nick!’_ Lucifer whined. _‘Stop laughing! Why are you even in church, you ass, I’m the Devil! Get us out of here!!’_

“No, no, and no,” Nick laughed. “Hey. I might be your vessel, but you know, believe in God and all, so…”

_’Why are you my vessel again?’_

“Because you love me?”

_’Fuck you. No. I no longer love you, you ass. Stop making me listen to all this bullshit, you-- you-- I’m the Devil! I’m supposed to be torturing people!’_

“Didn’t you hear what the priest say?” Nick snickered. “Seems like everyone knows you like falling on our knees and trembling.”

 _’That’s_ so _not what he said.’_

“Still.”

Nick took a deep breath and sighs, flushing the toilet just in case someone was outside, trying to calm himself down.

 _’Nick. No. Nick. You’re not going in there. Nick. Why am_ I _hearing things about Daddy’s greatness, this is like…’_

“Stop with the daddy issues and humor me,” Nick easily said and went out of the bathroom, ignoring the strange looks from a man nearby, and washed his hands for an alibi, before quickly going back and sitting beside Sam again.

“How’s Luce?” Sam whispered, snickering.

_’You’re both satan. I retire. You can take the throne. Fuck you both. Fuck you.’_

“He says fuck you,” Nick whispered back, also snickering. 

“Hey. Only _I_ get to fuck Sam,” a new voice said and Nick nearly jumped in his seat when Gabriel was just suddenly _there_... under the church pew.

“Gabe!” Sam hissed, looking around. Luckily no one noticed.

“What? I’ve been here the entire time, and believe me, Sammy, this is…” Gabriel whined low in his throat.

_’Even Gabriel say so!!’_

“Just shut up, Luce, or I’m leaving you with Gabriel in the candy store,” Nick whispered to- uh, to himself?

“I’m not _that_ bad!” Gabriel hissed.

Sam just sighed. “Just let us both in peace, ‘kay guys? Or I’ll spray paint Baby and blame you on it.”

Well, that got them to shut up. No one liked dealing with Dean if he’s pissed off over his precious little car. _Especially_ if it was over that car and everyone knows the first people to be blamed would be Gabriel and Lucifer.

Nick and Sam gave a collective sigh of relief as they finally got some peace and quiet. Finally.

They just didn’t realize how Lucifer and Gabriel were individually plotting. After all, this will only last one more hour.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a christian, why am i writing Lucifer in church but eh.


End file.
